Don’t be kind without being REAL

Ha Nguyen
2 min readJul 19, 2020

Kindness could also be a double-edged sword.

A hidden threat of being (too) nice is falling into the so-called people-pleasing trap.

Here is how to differentiate:

. Kind person: do things that make no harm to others.

. People pleaser: do things that make others satisfied even if it causes yourself suffering or against what you truly want.

Some characteristics of a people-pleaser.

. Avoid conflict at all cost, even if it means suppressing one’s true feelings

. Intentionally build & maintain a good image of one’s self in others’ eyes

. Can’t say no or feeling bad/ guilty for saying no

. Take (unnecessary) responsibility for how other people feel

Dear all people-pleasers out there, it’s good to make others happy, just don’t hurt yourself in the attempt to do so!

I have been a people-pleaser myself.

But then I realize that this doesn’t serve me well.

I decide to live with more authenticity and integrity

And feel much more at peace.

If you experience the same thing, I hope you can try out some of what I did below, to spend more time on things & people that matter to you!

. Set boundaries

. Don’t say yes when you want to say no

. Speak up, commit to telling the truths, not what you know people like to hear



Ha Nguyen

A child advocate & entrepreneur in Helsinki who cares about education, fairness, the environment & sustainability. Stay in touch on IG: @a.second.of.happiness